2023

2023 was a year wherein I was still asleep

Slumbering through the nightmare

Of all things lost, and now not there

I’d lost my ability to even weep

The suffering had become so normal

When I began to become aware

The realisation was such a scare

Like id woken up dismembered on a train track

All my body neither here nor there

Reflecting why and how was stifled, by the memories my conscience lacked

Almost too shocked and battered to act

Thinking ‘I’ve fucked it now’, I can’t go back

Yet driven by some fire within

I began to lift my broken limbs

I felt desperate to be elsewhere

I could not stay there, out and beyond

Smashed to pieces on a lonely track

So I grabbed at thistles, heaved up onto steel

The pain shot through me, I’d forgotten how to feel

I rolled my torso, twisted into shapes

I had to move, regardless of the aches

What a stumble I had to come,

Once I’d picked up all my broken pieces,

Remembering how to move, or where to go

I kept on believing, my time is done

But onwards, unsure and clumsy I trekked, towards a direction, to an outcome I couldn’t know

Without a clue or gut instinct to guide

I frequently searched for answers outside

As I walked, I encountered people

To whom I invested all my hope

Desperate to by guided, I trusted them to help me cope

But in return they just tightened my rope

Which hugged my neck as a potential noose

I fell for lies and confusing signs,

Some would direct me right into their own mess, others walked beside me, just equally confused

Then soon I met those who just used and abused

Making my lost direction their personal gain

Manipulating, misleading, locking me in

I got to the stage all to ready to give in

Then by the end, of the year long stumble,

The madness of others I’d believed in to help,

Had me nearly brought back to that very same track

The tangle id initially fought so hard to fumble

A way out, back to who I was, and where I was meant to be

I needed to let go of the self doubt, which had me turning to others to get myself back

Fear glared madly into my eyes,

Testing me to face it, gambling with demise

I stared, finally, right back into that glare

And I walked onwards, straight through it,

Welcoming back the courage which burned like a flare

To fear, I said; ‘hello, it’s beside me you will walk, you ain’t gonna stop me, though we can occasionally talk’, then steadfast I marched, through the fear and the fog

I realised by the end, I was the light within the dark.

Here I am now, walking soon into 2024,

If life gives me bullshit, I’ll simply be victorious, more and more and more.