Posts

Worried you might be in a relationship with a cunt, but can’t quite hear your own intuition?

Listen to this song: https://open.spotify.com/track/05P2XnfYsMtbvajPRcLTzO?si=YkwkLWOwRMCzMyVC-DYRPA&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A3wiZZCpwpuuz3buVj9VkoF Obviously applies to all genders. Cock or the Pea- You’re both who I’m talking about! Fuck them off because if you have that niggling worry that your partner is a secret twat, you’re probably right, so for God’s sake, Dance your path away from them. Don’t ever be afraid to … Continue reading Worried you might be in a relationship with a cunt, but can’t quite hear your own intuition? →

The famous five… top everyday things that bring me happiness

🥰 What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness? This question is useful beyond measure to a great degree, especially to fall back upon in times of deep struggles. When you’re in your darkest moments, it’s far from easy to just be able to pull up a list from your head, of any single … Continue reading The famous five… top everyday things that bring me happiness →

Absolutely Irvine Welsh- Ecstasy 🌈🦄🤩🤪🍄🎨💗

What book could you read over and over again? There isn’t much else I can possibly say. Ecstasy had me entranced from the start, I only had to read the first page, then there I was, submerged, spellbound, and transfixed. Time became an absent factor, all that mattered to me were the pages, words printed … Continue reading Absolutely Irvine Welsh- Ecstasy 🌈🦄🤩🤪🍄🎨💗 →

7 of 9- The brilliant breaker of the Borg’s grasp, rescued by the crew of Star Trek Voyager

If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why? An icon of pure strength, sexy, stubborn, fiercely intelligent. Like a phoenix, Seven embarks upon a journey of rediscovering the ‘self’ after a hive mind ordeal, entrapment by Borg captivity, she had her individuality purged. Yet despite the darkness … Continue reading 7 of 9- The brilliant breaker of the Borg’s grasp, rescued by the crew of Star Trek Voyager →

Aspirations of my 5 year old self

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up? My child self, not yet afflicted, totally blissfully unaware of anything other than the freedom to dream I can literally visualise the scenery and the image etched in my memory, transporting me back in time instantly, to answer this. In the … Continue reading Aspirations of my 5 year old self →

Instant bad mood reversal for those who are ready to punch a fucking train, watch this

⬇️⬇️⬇️ https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGemaV9av/ Still pissed off? Then you’re fucked. Because you shouldn’t be. Either that, or you’ve had an Epileptic Seizure, due to my lack of warning about photosensitivity content. In which case, you’re quite right to be pissed off. Sorry I’ve just set you back to point zero in waiting for that one year seizure … Continue reading Instant bad mood reversal for those who are ready to punch a fucking train, watch this →

Pending echoes- lyrics to my last song, link to recorded version yet to come!

Life, death, beauty beside decay, as ms portrayed visually, as a reminder of transformation, which sometimes only starts after death. Madness, eh! Hello hello Is anybody out there? Hello hello Can anybody hear? Hello hello All I hear are echoes I shout your name but no one hears The echoes, echoes, All I hear are … Continue reading Pending echoes- lyrics to my last song, link to recorded version yet to come! →

The job I would and will always do for free- but hear me now, the world has never been so close to losing me

What job would you do for free? In the midst of the madness in which I am currently (and really, always have been, but never so aware of the extent to which I am trapped inside it) I will agree with the part of myself that is commanding me to finish off some final writing … Continue reading The job I would and will always do for free- but hear me now, the world has never been so close to losing me →

This soul has seen enough. This time, I am saying my final goodbye.

The end of the road, a draft I have published too soon, about my mental health journey, and the consequences of abominable mental health failure in Hull, UK. Suicide- I’m not the only one.

Visiting your spirit, alone. My return to the Queens building of Castle Hill Hospital, where the lonely suitcase still haunts me.

No ordinary scene was visited this day. At last, and without any inch of hesitation stopping me from my march towards this destination, I adamantly and resolutely walked through those hospital grounds, nothing and nobody would have been able to stop me. The Queens building, Castle Hill Hospital. Oncology, breast care. It did not take … Continue reading Visiting your spirit, alone. My return to the Queens building of Castle Hill Hospital, where the lonely suitcase still haunts me. →

I am the storm, replied the warrior, bellowing the words into a roar which made time stand still.

What makes you laugh?

What makes you laugh? This time, the daily oracle answered thus- My own demise. It’s gone stage Mother of Dragons, pal! It can be so fucking bad it’s just plain funny. Then what do you do? Why, you laugh your way back to life! 🌈☮️😂 They said…

Hope to heal

Hope is beginning to whisper reassurances back into my ears… Having actually been listened to by a different psychiatrist, it was agreed I would go for a short term inpatient treatment stay at one of the non-assessment wards, Mill View this time, so totally different experience to where I have been before, and gone through … Continue reading Hope to heal →

Things I shouldn’t say

What do you wish you could do more every day? Honestly? I’d have to go with the answer indulging in the daily indulgence of pure Ecstasy every day. I do have other less controversial answers, but I’m going with this honest one, because, you know, Ecstasy! Yay I’m talking pure 90s rave era level, of … Continue reading Things I shouldn’t say →

The perfect most meaningful tattoo, that I wish I could fund…

What tattoo do you want and where would you put it? This is an original creation of my late and dearly missed mother. I defy anyone to disagree with me that this wouldn’t make the most spectacular of tattoos. Obviously, the meaning and significance behind it is immense- It is an amazing creation from the … Continue reading The perfect most meaningful tattoo, that I wish I could fund… →

FYI- I ranted myself to life, reflecting on recent posts

We will see where this goes So yeah, you may have stumbled upon my posts which pertain to serious intent upon giving up. I still feel deeply afflicted by the pain of knowing I could have, and would have, fulfilled a potential, helped others through my lived experiences, go on to be one of the … Continue reading FYI- I ranted myself to life, reflecting on recent posts →

‘Ellieism’- One word to describe me, the Ellie who requires her own ‘ism’

What is one word that describes you? What and who the hell am I? My word: ‘Unwavering’ Only because it sounds more poetic and complimentary than ‘stubborn’, ‘defiant’, ‘relentless’, ‘disobedient’, words which I agree do fit my personality, but were usually used in ‘bollockings’ through school years, professional years, and even just generally lost but … Continue reading ‘Ellieism’- One word to describe me, the Ellie who requires her own ‘ism’ →

I am a disgrace, and my field of fucks is barren. This is my Potential farewell.

Absolute TW on this one, don’t read it if you think your biggest threat to life and stability might be dark humour which mentions matters of mental health specifically. Many people may well be outraged. But you can’t say ‘outrage’ without the inclusion of the ‘out’, and so use that paradox to find your way … Continue reading I am a disgrace, and my field of fucks is barren. This is my Potential farewell. →

Suddenly, crushed again. Mental health crisis UK- you’re even killing me.

Literally tell the mental health professionals on a psychiatric ward, I need some help, I’m on the verge of my final goodbye letter… ‘alright then goodnight, out of the lounge, we have to clean now’… ‘I’m scared I might die’ ‘Alright I’ll help you unlock your room.’ Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me? I’m not attention … Continue reading Suddenly, crushed again. Mental health crisis UK- you’re even killing me. →

Tooting my own horn without shame 🎺🌈

Who is the most confident person you know? Guess my answer… The answer to this daily prompt question, asking, ‘who is the most confident person I know?’ Well, I reckon, that despite having had the privilege of meeting some incredibly confident people in my lifetime, and taking inspiration from the their unwavering shine, I find … Continue reading Tooting my own horn without shame 🎺🌈 →

What a question! Why, Ive got 33 years worth of ‘strategies’, for those officially ‘diagnosed’!

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings? What an apt daily question to ask, of someone who is officially ‘diagnosed’ as having C-PTSD, BPD, Major Depressive Illness, recurring eating disorders and a history of drug and alcohol addiction! You asked for this! Prepare yourselves for some disturbing answers, and hopefully, a few … Continue reading What a question! Why, Ive got 33 years worth of ‘strategies’, for those officially ‘diagnosed’! →

In celebration of international women’s day

The woman I keep on becoming (we never cease to adapt, aspire, and amaze) Women: (We already know what I’m about to say, oh, we know) But y’know, in light of #internationalwomen’sday 2024, I’ll say a few words. We are not just warriors, who have endured any such a Blitzkrieg- that purposefully, may cause a … Continue reading In celebration of international women’s day →

Flashbacks come, and flashbacks go. Just like imprints, in the snow.

Poem ‘Imprints in the snow’ A reflective piece inspired and triggered by experiences of C-PTSD, recovery, flashbacks, memories, and resilience.

Happy Mother’s Day, I miss you 💜

Your Art and your afterlife Art that I drew and revived for you. I finished the Heart and butterflies drawing just seconds after midnight turned into Mother’s Day. That’s good timing for me, I’m usually not the timekeeping master of the century. But you knew that anyway… ❤️ Happy Mother’s Day Mum…. I lit my … Continue reading Happy Mother’s Day, I miss you 💜 →

An introductory video to Empathy

Find empathy for the planet and non human creatures difficult? https://youtu.be/p7LDk4D3Q3U?si=mhI2D5fpu1PWNiPY -YouTube animation credit: Steve Cutts For some, Empathy comes almost too easily, which can be problematic and world full of Narcissists. Many of us won’t even know where we stand, label wise, between the polar opposites of the ‘Empath’ or the ‘Narcissist’. That’s absolutely … Continue reading An introductory video to Empathy →

Optimism…

Where would you go on a shopping spree? I call this ‘optimism’, because the daily question assumes one would have money to go on a ‘shopping spree’ in the first instance… So I’m going to have to go with ‘imagination land’. That’s where I’d be going for a ‘shopping spree’… There is no overdraft upon … Continue reading Optimism… →

Friday vibes from the perspective of a ‘lunatic’

A seven minute read about real life Friday Nights (and the other days) mental health survival tactics… Warning- includes video of me actually singing due to loss of shame!

You ask me a question, and my reply is blunt

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance? Daily question of the day, I answer you as follows: ‘No, does it fuck.’ Sorry, not aspiring to be J.K Rowling as a standard for a writer here. 🙄 I will mention that my daughter’s middle name has significance, though. 🥰 Her middle name … Continue reading You ask me a question, and my reply is blunt →

How to ask a question which gives the ‘questioned’, some worrying doomsday impression!

What is the last thing you learned? Excuse me, my heart is still beating, therefore, I’m not at my ‘last’ yet! The LAST? Taking this question too literally is a recipe for disaster! It was only an innocent daily prompt, but my word, if you took this one to heart, you’d be worrying your days … Continue reading How to ask a question which gives the ‘questioned’, some worrying doomsday impression! →

Oh I Love this for a daily Question!

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain. Say what? ‘So, I must ask you Ellie, how come someone who’s got a University Degree and a brain like yours ended up an addict who’s also been sectioned on a mental health ward?!’ The question itself is easy and funny to answer if I’m … Continue reading Oh I Love this for a daily Question! →

Waking up on the Ground

‘The portal’ I just walked up to the small building, which houses the interior of a wonderland called ‘Ground’, which runs Art groups, as I’ve just been enlightened about. As it just so happened, I’d forgotten to ask the time and day the groups were actually on at the time I was told about them… … Continue reading Waking up on the Ground →

Daily ‘answers’ (can be mood dependent) to daily questions, let’s go!

You're writing your autobiography. What's your opening sentence? I’d be pretty straight up about it, I think: ‘I come in peace, but forewarn you, that as a result of reading my autobiography, you may wind up requiring psychiatric intervention, strong medication, therapy, a year of sleep to deal with the intensely eventful, chaotic, philosophical, tangent … Continue reading Daily ‘answers’ (can be mood dependent) to daily questions, let’s go! →

Declaration against my defeat

No, ‘life’, you still haven’t stopped me. I might have been crushed, but I am a soul with the ‘chaos within to give rise to a dancing star‘ to quote Nietzsche, and my energy, compressed… apparently (I’ve noticed, after observing the survival of my intact soul, after countless afflictions, and attacks, have tried to dim … Continue reading Declaration against my defeat →

A few Songs with cryptic meanings or song titles

I love music, and I love mysteries, I love the power of lyrics, even when on the surface they simply invite you to listen more deeply to discover their hidden mystery… I am not the only one to love music, this one is so so obvious! I was just reflecting on some of classics today, … Continue reading A few Songs with cryptic meanings or song titles →

The warrior and the shield

Life can be tough, I’m sure we can all agree. Sure it’s got its beautiful moments and even years, too, but we go through life, and despite individual differences in specific circumstances, we are on a battlefield, always. You can’t afford to let your guard down, neither can you afford to simply hide away from … Continue reading The warrior and the shield →

If I could exile a single word, I’ll tell you what it would be

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why? I can definitely answer this question, it’s just the choosing of the ‘one’ of so many! “Crack head” To begin, I’ll add that when this daily prompt notification came up on my phone, showing only half the messages, I … Continue reading If I could exile a single word, I’ll tell you what it would be →

Empathy gone too far…

So I have recently started writing in a journal with actual pen and paper again, for myself, because I realised the potential benefits to one’s mental health from this. This is what ended up happening, and I don’t even understand how or why! The doodled perspective of Old skool phone with its daily challenges I … Continue reading Empathy gone too far… →

Anyone with any sense will understand my reaction to such a question

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months? I’ll keep it short and sweet for once. Life is incredibly unpredictable. Biggest challenge I’ll face in the next six months? How. The. Fuck Would I know!? Daily prompt, I am starting to question your integrity. Even my crystal ball can’t cooperate … Continue reading Anyone with any sense will understand my reaction to such a question →

Top tips for people in dips- Save yourself from suicide

In crisis? You are definitely not alone. This post is not a cure all, just based on my own lived experiences with mental illness and suicidal crises, I hope that some of the ideas I’ve learned from myself and others, in order to survive, might be able help you when you need it so baby too. Please share the word of you can ❤️

Short poem, or lyrics in the making

Sometimes one feels lost, swept away, from the familiarities of days which felt happier, and it’s easy to miss what you once knew then, you can loathe and dread all the chaos of the unknown, when suddenly, days swamped you with sadness, and your next best direction feels like a cloak over your vision, of … Continue reading Short poem, or lyrics in the making →

Existence, and one way of looking at it…

As we well know, there have been many different versions of events spun into history, which seem to express themselves at various attempts to tell the ‘story’ behind what is wrong, what is right, and soothe the ever enquiring human mind, with a tale told by those ‘holding the pen’ (metaphorically speaking), to construct something … Continue reading Existence, and one way of looking at it… →

Need some musical first aid today?

I’ve not published a bombardment of musical suggestions for some weeks now, and having re-discovered and newly discovered some new fabulous sounds, I felt compelled to share, in case anyone could do with some potential ‘sound plasters’ today, just as I very much do too! Emmy the great- Paper Forest (In the afterglow of rapture) … Continue reading Need some musical first aid today? →

The best company

Who are your favorite people to be around? Answering today’s daily question, it’s actually surprisingly easy for me to me answer, now that I’ve had enough years of life experience to decipher bad company (boring, judgemental, narcissistic, predatory, contemptuous, unremarkable, spiritless Tory voters) and confidently distinguish the differences which constitute favourable ‘company’ for me. My … Continue reading The best company →

Let’s unite for better mental health services

Mental health matters, so damn much! We need to do something to save ourselves, and our mental health systems in the UK…. If you don’t have time to read the full article, then please just tap this link and take 5 minutes to read the cause, then decide to sign or not. If you can … Continue reading Let’s unite for better mental health services →

Valium be my Valentine

*probably shouldn’t be using this GIF*TW? Too late I guess! ❤️❤️❤️ Haha oh the laughs to be had! How did you spend your Valentine’s Day Ellie? Why, I got admitted to a psych ward! Awww, I love you too, plastic mattress, let’s spend the night together! 😂😂😂❤️ Credit for song and lyrics to: Ava Max- … Continue reading Valium be my Valentine →

My biography might be titled…

Wow… so many potential titles spring to mind, not all of them favourable! This requires a lightbulb with its own brain I could brainstorm some instinctive ideas: The tangle with a twist All the paths which didn’t exist, which I turned into my own direction The last one standing at the rave, who wouldn’t stop, … Continue reading My biography might be titled… →

Law abiding citizens should be punished by law itself

Have you ever unintentionally broken the law? I have, yes, you fucking silly question! Oh, wait, you said UNINTENTIONALLY….! Ahhhh… now that causes one to ponder! Unintentional!? Does that not make this question a whole lot duller? Of course I will have broken it unintentionally, loads of times. Loads of people will have done, too. … Continue reading Law abiding citizens should be punished by law itself →

Our last goodbye

I never, ever, thought I’d have to say goodbye to you, my Mum, so soon and so unexpectedly, unfairly and incomprehensibly, as I did. You were more than my world, you were more than an Art Teacher, Mother, Wife, last surviving sibling of the two, and daughter to your own parents. More than a friend, … Continue reading Our last goodbye →

DBVT- Day before Valentine’s Day poem challenge

I am inclined towards believing the theme here in on love, then… Once, thus far, in my lifetime as it flows, I have felt the force of love, undefineable, divine. The kind that only the fortunate, lucky soul knows, and I can only wish to feel one day again. Beautiful, growing and rebounding, like an … Continue reading DBVT- Day before Valentine’s Day poem challenge →

Daily Prompt… You are filthy! What a thing to ask!

What were your parents doing at your age? Haha! Is this a bit of a trick question!? I just so happened to find this (actually rather lovely) Photo Booth moment shared by my parents, taken in my birth year, 1990… Let’s see, while I’m 33 now, and my Mum had me either age 32 or … Continue reading Daily Prompt… You are filthy! What a thing to ask! →

You get some really great, amazing news. What’s the first thing you do?

Question of day prompt You know what, this question is so broad and open ended, that, as a Philosopher trapped inside an idiot’s mind, I’m probably going to have to just make this a quick answer. Because; it’s 7.15 am, and I’ve been thinking so much about so bloody much, all night, that I am … Continue reading You get some really great, amazing news. What’s the first thing you do? →

Call For SubmissionsWriters Non-Fiction, Writers Fiction, Poets

With the goal of supplying our readership with a wider net of viewpoints, Edge of Humanity Magazine is looking for individuals interested in sharing … Call For SubmissionsWriters Non-Fiction, Writers Fiction, Poets Challenge accepted ‘Our last goodbye’ I never, ever, thought I’d have to say goodbye to you, my Mum, so soon and so unexpectedly, … Continue reading Call For SubmissionsWriters Non-Fiction, Writers Fiction, Poets →

Favourite Candy?

What's your favorite candy? But it’s not actually the lollipop love im implying… Wanna really know? Of course, a you are a Cat, therefore my leader Why, it’s Candy Crush of course! The one and only ‘candy’ champion! The best type of Candy- you can sit there in all kinds of scenarios, for example; -Having … Continue reading Favourite Candy? →

Question of thine day, why are you so kind?

Do you need a break? From what? How graciously compassionate and thoughtful of you to ask! I do, as a matter of fact, need a break, I need a break from this present geographical location I’ve been grounded on since the last time I managed to have any kind of holiday abroad, and since then, … Continue reading Question of thine day, why are you so kind? →

Happy heavenly birthday to my beautiful and wonderful Mum- Shân Neves

▶️ Watch this reel https://www.facebook.com/share/r/4UqXZ3oZqGUJ6agY/?mibextid=UalRPS

The sadness seen in the face of a recovering addict, post- ‘lapse’/‘relapse’

It may have only been ‘just one night’ where I found myself , having lost a colossal extent of self belief, motivation and hope, which ‘led me to using for the night’, but a ‘lapse’ is still technically a ‘relapse’, and it needs to be faced, head on, not hidden away from. To own your … Continue reading The sadness seen in the face of a recovering addict, post- ‘lapse’/‘relapse’ →

My first computer… Windows 95, and what a day its arrival was!

Write about your first computer. Our first family computer, gifted to us by my late Grandfather- ‘Pop’, my Mum’s father, who brought our family and us grandkids the truly revolutionary, rare and state of the art family computer… I was five years old, and I was enthralled. Very lucky, too. I have to extend my … Continue reading My first computer… Windows 95, and what a day its arrival was! →

Hilarious childhood memories: ‘Dad, what is the naughtiest word in the world?’

Sworn to secrecy So as a four year old, of an insatiable hunger for knowledge and mischief, coupled with an obvious recognition that my Dad could be persuaded into giving me information I shouldn’t know ‘at my age’, I curiously wandered into the shed one morning, with a question I’d been dying to ask him … Continue reading Hilarious childhood memories: ‘Dad, what is the naughtiest word in the world?’ →

Questioning occurred, I complied

What do you complain about the most? Do you know what, right now, it’s about stress. My instant emotional situation, which generally seems to have been building up and slowing down then building up and slowing down (etc)… well right now, I am so damn stressed. I can make guesses as to why, but I’m … Continue reading Questioning occurred, I complied →