Favourite Candy?

What’s your favorite candy?

Wanna really know?

Why, it’s Candy Crush of course!

The best type of Candy- you can sit there in all kinds of scenarios, for example;

-Having a sneaky extra ten minutes to yourself in the toilet at work, just to get to sit down, and no one really wants to ask you the question- ‘why did it take you so LONG in there!?’

-Pretending to be replying to important emails and messages on your phone, but secretly avoiding communication via the joyous colours of Candy Crush, and its unexpectedly addictive ability to ensnare you through its effects of your Dopamine levels…

-In the company of such terribly ‘normal’ and far from riveting people, sat in some lounge, all drinking wine and bitching about neighbours, work colleagues, family, the ‘criminals’ who take those ‘drugs’ on the streets (better than your shit Chardonnay, love), then, heaven forbid- Politics, especially if enough of the group in the room are Tory- inclined voters ( I had to delete my original sentence to describe those of this disposition… for fear I’d be banned and lose readership in case anyone, at the very least, hates the level of bad language I was going to use there…)

Speaking of politics, Candy Crush seems to be one of the rare gems which has earned the place of having cross-party support and prioritisation. Our elected MPs, who we are paying to REPRESENT us as constituents making up a ‘whole’ for the UK, whereby Democracy is SUPPOSED to be ensured, because our elected representatives actually attend debates, to address and offer OUR delegated wishes and opinions about what we, the people, actually want and need…

Well!

MPs in the House of Commons -and I can SWEAR to you that I have witnessed this first hand, sitting in the public gallery-where you can just walk in and watch live debates between the MPs on each opposing side of the benches, the ones who actually do turn up, because seriously, there were not many, on either of the three occasions I have visited London, and forced my less nerdy friends to join me in the House of Commons, witnessing debates upon legislation and the passing of ‘acts’, behind protective screens-to ensure public viewers were not there to throw purple powder like substances, at those Politicians who had at least pissed off enough of the electorate, to actually motivate their efforts to ‘blue powder bomb’ the fuck out of their scheming faces of scandal and absolute career suicide.

I swear, as each one member from one side of the green benches (representing their constituents, from their party’s perspective, of course), stood up to offer their reflections and prepared speeches, about whatever the fuck the particular legislative buzzkill in discussion was about, at least they had made the effort to mention their constituents, speak and attend the discussion itself. There were like 16 MPs in total there one time.

And you know what all of them were doing as the speaker took the floor to speak? You might be guessing, pornography, and yes, perhaps- I have too have heard the rumours. But from the height of the public viewing gallery, none of them were immune to being caught out in the act of playing Candy Crush when they sat back down.

I was so outraged by their lack of respect for Democracy, that I had to use the luxurious toilets within Parliament, to snort a supremely greedy, and blatantly careless line of my favourite white powdered stimulant at the time. Which security’s little bag and body scan search didn’t even come close to finding on me.

This was still back in the day when I was a student, so both more capable of being reckless and wild, plus in possession of actual cash bank notes for the snorting. As I unrolled the white encrusted face of our monarch, which obviously was subject to getting somewhat smothered in Cocaine too, I just looked at her printed, monetised face, and asked, ‘Oh Elizabeth, what has become of the world!? The behaviour of those MPs was just deplorable!’ What’s to be done about law, order and Democracy!?’

Sniffing hard, straightening out the still, inanimate, yet compelling, expression of the Queen’s eyes looking directly up at me from the curled up bank note, I assumed she might have just resigned herself to be the ‘Christmas speech’, public speaking, cocaine smothered, bank note imprinted, waste of another remarkable woman.

Now, when not being rolled up on a note, to sniff narcotics, was she just resigned to be a figure of governmental Liason, and ‘approval’? I could swear to you, her eyes gleamed in agreement with my thoughts exactly. With the added touch of shame, ‘teacher glare’ stare right into my core, a bit of validation, and a challenge to ‘sort my life out’, and be a Queen, too.

A bit like my own mother ❤️

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I left with my drugs in tact, and with my faith in true Democracy once again stifled by the sight of so many MPs just sat there playing Candy Crush, rather than legislating and representing. Even I could go a full 12 hour shift without resorting to Candy Crush necessary, and why? Because the work I was employed to do within the healthcare sector at the time, was actually too important, I cared enough about what I was doing- helping people- despite how bad the pay and management was, to be even considering using time allocated to their care to play Candy Crush!

I do still enjoy the game, but more of like a ‘wind down’ after work or heavy session kind of pastime!

It remains my favourite ‘candy’, for these many reasons, but also, because we don’t call ‘sweets’ ‘candy’ in the UK… so I felt instant rebellion stir within my soul as soon as I saw the word.

‘Candy’!? It sounds a bit undermining as a name/adjective, and I also cannot escape the strong childhood imagery, of fond memories of my old childhood Guinea Pig, who I called ‘Candy’, aged 10, enthralled to be taking home this new pet guinea pig with blonde and white fur, beady little eyes, and a love of breeding with her companion Guinea Pig- ‘Tango’, who we were assured by the pet store, was of there ‘same sex’.

Well eleven baby guinea pigs to enter the ‘family’ (across two separate litters), later, proved otherwise.

But that’s another story.

I’ve already said too much, again.

FYI- I don’t half mind the Haribo Jelly Babies, and foam bananas. Not that this is even relevant anymore! 😂

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